I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
