Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
