if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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