i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
