Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There r osticjed everywhere
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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