6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
