i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
