yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
