it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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