i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My dick has a subreddit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
