Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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