I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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