"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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