Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If I die, sorry about rent.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
