I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
