Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
