Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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