Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
