she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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