we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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