So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
