I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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