I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
