you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
