Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
