I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How external is "for external use only"?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
