I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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