I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
