He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
