So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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