I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Green mimosas i think yes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
