He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I could fuck to npr.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
