I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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