If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
