We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
