his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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