It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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