He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
