If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
