i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
