My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
