wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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