I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
