nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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