One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
