I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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