so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
