You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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