if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
