They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
