they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
