just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
